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How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want a Divorce?

Posted by Vincent C. DeLuca | Oct 19, 2020 | 0 Comments

There is really no easy way to tell your spouse that you want a divorce.  Each relationship is different and the manner within which you elect to inform your spouse about your decision to divorce is dependent on the nature of the relationship you have with your spouse. In situations where your spouse maybe abusive or if you are afraid of how your spouse will react, the best way to let them know about the divorce maybe by way of written communication from your attorney at a time when you are not present in the home. Another potential option for an individual who is afraid to tell his or her spouse, would be to have someone else present either at the time you make the announcement or immediately thereafter. In situations that do not involve a volatile spouse you may just want to sit down and have the conversation with him or her and let them know that it is your desire to proceed with the divorce in an amicable cost effective manner. You may also want to suggest to your spouse that the two of you proceed by way of mediation, which is a lot less expensive than a litigated divorce, and may indicate to your spouse that you are not looking for a protracted expensive litigated battle.

Another potential way to inform your spouse that you are no longer happy and wish to pursue a divorce would be at marriage counseling. The counselor after having spent some time with both you and your spouse and understanding the dysfunctional nature of your relationship may support your decision. By having a third party independent person verify that you would both be better off by going your separate ways may significantly lessen the impact of the decision to divorce on the spouse who is not seeking one.

Often in dysfunctional relationships one party may frequently mention obtaining a divorce but never truly act on it.  As a result of this, the spouse who does not want the divorce may not think that you are serious when you bring up divorce again this time. In these types of circumstances it may help to have your divorce attorney forward a letter to your spouse confirming that the lawyer's office has, in fact, been retained and that you will be proceeding with the filing of the divorce. This simple letter may prompt your spouse to take some action such as either agreeing to go to counseling, agreeing to utilize a divorce mediator, or retaining his or her own attorney.

One of the hardest parts of the divorce process is getting it started. You will feel relieved once you make your spouse aware of your decision to terminate the marriage.

Should you have any questions relative to the divorce process or how to inform your spouse of your desire to end the marriage please feel free to contact the divorce and family law attorneys at the Villani and DeLuca law firm.  The firm has over 80 years of aggregate divorce law experience and will be happy to answer any questions that you have during your initial free consultation. Call today.

About the Author

Vincent C. DeLuca

Vincent C. DeLuca, a partner of the firm, devotes the entirety of his practice to family law. Vince is a trained divorce mediator and collaborative divorce attorney. Vince is certified by the Supreme Court of New Jersey as a matrimonial law attorney. Less than .002% of all practicing attorneys in...


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